For those of you that are not aware, I am traveling to Spain for two months this summer. I know this because increasingly large amounts of the green have been passing from my bank account to the hands of certain illustrious foreign parties. Also, I know because I am now the proud owner of an airplane seat on which I will be carried from DFW on May the eleventh, arriving in London the following day. It cost a grand.

I find this experience somewhat traumatic. Spending a thousand bucks at a time is not a common experience for me. I begin to feel a vague sense of panic. I check my bank accounts to make sure they are still in tact. I budget out all of my money, overestimating every expenditure by at least thirty dollars, just to be sure that I don't find myself suddenly penniless and in Europe. I dig through my pockets for loose change, and search through my drawers for clothing that I can sell at a second-hand store or to anyone passing by the GC. I scour the internet to see what the current going price is on the streets for a fresh kidney.

This is likely a bad thing. I have never heard that a neurotic aversion to spending money was a virtue, especially considering the fact that I've never experienced any kind of lack. Short of causing suitcases full of money to appear on my doorstep, God has always provided for me rather ridiculously. Take, for example, my PSAT score that was fully 27 points higher than any I had received on the practice tests, thus completely funding my college experience. Or the message on my phone just after I picked up the forms for study abroad, asking me if I would be interested in working on a project for a $1000 scholarship. Or the unexpected $2000 my mom got from her job two weeks ago for unused vacation time.

Yet here I am having a minor breakdown because I just spent 200 more than I thought I would on plane tickets. I wonder that God continues to put up with faithless humanity, that continues to doubt Him even though He has come through time after time after time. "Well, Lord, you've done alright so far, but what if something unexpected happens and it all goes to hell? Have you given that any thought? What's your backup plan, eh?" This is the about the point where we start looking for alternatives, idols and pagan kings who will supposedly provide for us after God screws things up. The Bible hints that such dalliances generally go pretty badly. The good thing, though, is that He is patient and dashing; He continues to help and give and be, even when our relationship consists mainly of me whining and snotting all over His feet because I'm pretty sure that omnipotent divinity is not enough for me. 

So, yeah. Three weeks to Europe...

College students are, above all, mysterious creatures. Though it is true that youth and enthusiasm lend them a harmless, almost a pleasant appearance, the fact is that students are a volatile bunch, prone to sudden attacks of mischief and bad judgment. Thrust far from home’s familiar pale, these troubled beings are suddenly flooded with expectations, plans, and, worst of all, free time. Sadly, however, at this stage of maturity, the average college student is not prepared to deal with the demands of real life. At any given moment, the aspiring pupil may lose her and/or his head, spiraling off into a terrible descent which will likely end in drunkenness, failing grades, and death.

Fortunately, the people of Oral Roberts University have recognized this problem, and have taken steps to protect the health and well-being of mankind, aware, of course, that children are our future. With admirable vision and boldness, ORU has taken its students under its wing, prepared to protect them against the worst danger of all, themselves. As a result, a flurry of foresighted programs shields all who enter the entrance of the Praying Hands.

As we all know, humans below the age of 22 are completely awash in furious hormones. When presented with any kind of freedom around members of the opposite sex, the average college student will display a lack of self-control similar to that of donkeys or horse-flies. As such, a firm, yet reasonable line of separation is kept between the campus male and female populations. First and foremost, men and women must never be allowed into each other’s dorms, save for a short and poorly scheduled visitation period known as “Open House.” This time must occur no more than twice a semester and not, as at the more liberal Christian universities, every week. Further, Herculean exertions must be made to maintain modesty among all. ORU prudently goes further than the more traditional guidelines involving coverage and length; for example, no woman ought be seen in public donning flannel pajama pants. As we are aware, anything associated with “bedroom” must always represent filth. Any brash female seen wandering beyond the RA desk dressed in such must be sternly caught and chastised.

The world at large is a dangerous place for the naïve and untried college student. When too far from campus, he +/- she will become lightheaded, presumably from an overfill of oxygen and fresh air. While in this disoriented state, there is no telling what the poor creature will do--doubtless, something bad. For this reason, come midnight, the residents of Oral Roberts University are safely hemmed in to the campus’ loving bounds. Though some misguided youths may grumble that they only wish to “watch movies” or “spend time with friends,” we know what they are really expressing is a desire to revel and commit crime. Let them say what they will; with a curfew in place, they, as well as the surrounding community, are secure.

We have all heard such terrible terms as “freshman fifteen,” “overfatness,” and “scurvy.” Indeed, they haunt our very souls, and the conjured image of our cherubic youths in failing health is tragic, indeed. To combat this terrible trend, ORU has an effective and ingenious program known as Health and Physical Fitness (HPE). HPE is a multiple pronged attack on student sickliness. The first prong comprises a series of compelled physical activities. All students are obliged to attend an HPE lab, wherein they will be forced to run laps, swim pools, and bowl bowls, among other things. Outside of class, healthful habits are maintained by the aerobic points system. With aerobic points, young pupils are expected to commit ludicrous amounts of vigorous exercise. In addition to keeping students physically fit, aerobic points also allow them to sublimate any negative energies that have not yet been stamped out by the college’s other edicts.
HPE’s second prong is a lecture required for all incoming freshmen. In said lecture, their unmolded minds will be carefully plied with expositions of poor health and ominous plug-pullings. They are also shown images of distended, goiter-ridden cadavers. Presumably, these acts will scare students straight--straight away from potato chips, chocolate, soda, and other wicked things. Like aerobic points, these lectures carry an added, behavior-regulating benefit: once students’ GPAs have been ravaged by incoherent HPE exams, they will have less leisure time to do evil.

As can be seen, Oral Roberts University is going above and beyond to promote salutary development for the average scholar. While some may look only at present conditions, ORU looks sagely the future. The time of transition to adulthood is important for all college students; they must not be allowed to mar it with responsibility and horrible freedom.

Something I've been wondering about.

Am I the only one who is irked by all of these people who attempt to spiritualize everything they do? Specifically those who, solemnly and with Bible in hand, cite a "word" from the Lord as the basis for virtually every decision they make?

God told me not to go to church there. God told me to go here for the holidays. God later told me I should take these classes this semester, and noted that I should probably not go to that movie, but rather I should stay in my room and study. God informed me that we should go out some time *wink wink*. God told me to go to China on a missions trip-and so on.

I have to question the meaning of all this. What exactly do people mean when they say that "God has told" them?

I remember a chapel speaker once last year who prattled on about "being led by the Spirit" and how, apparently, we lucky Charismatics are the only ones who have that privilege. Though he did not bother to clarify, the Charismatic view of spiritual encounter seems to be almost exclusively emotional (worshsip service, hands raised), e.g., one must have a "peace" or a "joy." This view would, presumably, have people sitting about, waiting for any especially germane emotional experiences, which they would then attribute to God and, subsequently, act on.

The problem with this is that, prayer for guidance notwithstanding, people's emotions are generally unstable and are unreliable sources of wisdom.

There are also those who subscribe to the "closed door" view. These are the seekers who go about, doing what they will, and waiting for outside circumstances to aid or impede their progress. If doors open, they walk through them, and vice versa.

The flaw in this approach is that outer circumstances do not often drastically alter themselves in order to guide us. A wrong person could easily stumble along, unhindered, down an incorrect path. Only when circumstances became truly dire would he be able to pick out his closed door.

It seems to me that, too often, these people choose to "spiritualize" everything in lieu of using their own wisdom. Rather than truly learning about the will and person of God (why do we think that Book of His is so long), or even thinking intelligently about everyday issues, they hang about, waiting for supernatural intervention to do all the dirty work.

I am coming to believe that being led by God is often a difficult mixture of study, hard knocks, guidance from others, and, occasionally, direct spiritual intervention (in whatever form it may take). 

If this is the case, it only brings even more doubt upon all those towel-snap word Christians, waiting for divine guidance on what they should wear to chapel today.

Any thoughts?